In my recent post, I talked about quitting my job and flying back home for good. Now, I am going to write about a quick life update post-resignation from the job that I’ve learned to love.
When I stepped down from a corporate role, I am going to admit that I panicked a little. Who am I going to be after this? What am I going to do? Most of the time I feel conscious when people would ask me, “So, what are you going to do now?” or “What are you doing right now?” or “Any plans on applying for any job available?” or “So, you’re going to stay here and what?”
I can feel my heart beating fast, I feel like sweating, I feel like I want to shrink right where I am and hide from all these people asking me the same question in different languages. I can only answer them, “No plans on applying for any job or anything. I am just home for good.” FOR GOOD? That’s it? For the first time in my life, I felt ashamed of not having a regular job. I felt ashamed of telling people that I am home, doing nothing? There are times when I feel like I disappointed people who looked up to me, for leaving a great job and just decided to stay home.
I realized that when I quit my job, I felt like I have lost my identity, too. I felt like I have lost myself, too. I was so associated with the work that I do that when I left my job, I became nobody doing nothing. Unlike when I was in a corporate world, I can talk about the things that I do all day long, or maybe half day. The point is, I felt like a bummer.
One night I was reflecting on what’s been happening and I realized that most of the time, most if not all of us associate ourselves and our identities with the job that we do. And for me, that’s not how it should be (again, personal insight).
My Realizations:
When I resigned, I lost a job title, but I started to live the role of being a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a furmom to my family again. Grateful for random lunch out. Thankful for having conversations about random things. Making up for the lost time in those 5 years.
When I resigned, I lost a job description, but I have learned to create my own “life” description. I get to somehow dedicate my time and energy with people and things that matter the most. Spending time doing the things that align with my values and will help me get to where I want to be and who I aspire to become.
When I resigned, I somehow lost a regular monthly paycheck, but I have gained a regular daily first 2 to 3-hours of my day as my “me-time” just dedicating those hours all to myself, taking care of my mental and physical health – working out, reading the Bible, praying and singing praise and worship which I didn’t have the luxury to do when I was still working because I was always rushing, my mind occupied and I felt so restless mentally.
When I resigned, I felt like I have lost my identity, little did I know that this phase of my life allows me to slowly create and discover my own authentic self. An identity that is not tied with any social standards, unfolding my own true self while upholding my values.
Knowing all these things, it is kind of liberating to finally slowly detach myself from what the world views as success. For some, being successful might mean having it all. While it’s nice to have it all – big house, new cars, multiple stamps on the passport, loaded bank accounts, impressive job title, nice looking paycheck – for me, all these things does not promise peace of mind, peaceful heart and peaceful life as well as mental, physical and spiritual health.
So, the next time people ask me what I do with my life now, “I live.”
“Your life journey is about learning to become more of who you are and fulfilling the highest, truest expression of yourself as a human being. That’s why you’re here.”
Oprah Winfrey
Much love, Ella 💛
Her Happy Days 